After the disappointment that was The Hateful Eight, Mekaela and I turned our eyes to lighter fare: the 2016, all-female remake of Ghostbusters.
I was a little ashamed of myself for not seeing this movie in theater, for I had fully intended to do so. Regardless, now that I have seen it . . . yeah, for the most part, I really enjoyed it.
SUMMARY:
Erin (Kristen Wiig) and Abby (Melissa McCarthy) are former best friends. They’re also physicists who end up starting a business together to prove the existence of ghosts, along with wildly eccentric engineer Holtzmann (Kate McKinnon) and super history buff and MTA worker Patty (Leslie Jones). Supernatural shenanigans ensue.
NOTES:
1. As I’ve stated before, probably a few times now, I don’t have much nostalgia for the original Ghostbusters–other than the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, of course, who will forever remain the demonic monster of my heart. There are aspects of it I really enjoy (Dana, most of Venkman’s one-liners, JANINE) and there are aspects that I don’t like as much (the whole awkward ghost blowjob thing, Winston’s general lack of relevance, the fact that Dana is WAY too good for Venkman), but overall, the original Ghostbusters is just not one of those movies that I feel, like, ridiculously protective of.
But I understand that many people feel differently, and that’s fine; if anyone ever tries to remake The Princess Bride or Clue, I will come to the table with some serious side eye. Some level of disappointment, irritation, and scorn are all totally normal. The bullshit that erupted over this remake, however, was not, and anyone who’s saying that misogyny played no part in it, that people were only such awful dicks because the original is so beloved . . . sorry, guys, but I think you’re kidding yourselves here. Hollywood remakes movies all the time. The internet gets in an uproar about most of them . . . for a few days, at least, and then we generally move on. The outrage doesn’t usually lead to dozens of whiny fanboy thinkpieces about how their childhood has been ruined, nor does it usually become so disturbingly vitriolic that people began flooding the movie’s main cast with a barrage of sexist and/or racist tweets.
No one is obligated to like this movie; if it’s not your thing, then it’s not your thing, and you don’t owe anyone an apology for that. But if you honestly think that the collective tantrum over the Ghostbusters reboot was totally normal, acceptable, or even just to be expected, go take a look at this list of 10 Recent Movie Remakes That You Already Forgot Existed, and then go reread the shit that was said and done to Leslie Jones alone, and see if you still really think that Ghostbusters didn’t get singled out because of racism, misogyny, or honestly, both.
2. With that done, let’s proceed to the actual movie, shall we?
I really like Ghostbusters, but I don’t think it’s a flawless movie; in fact, it actually gets off to something of a rocky start for me. (Well, I adore the prologue because I’m all about Garrett the Tour Guide, but we’ll come back to that later.) One of the places I think Ghostbusters falls down is the friendship between Erin and Abby.
It kills me to say that because I wanted it to work. Other than just being all about girl friendship stories, Erin and Abby’s relationship really should anchor this whole movie . . . but for some reason, it never quite works for me. Part of that, I think, is that I just don’t care enough about either Erin or Abby, not like I care about Patty and Holtzmann, anyway.
But it’s also a writing thing. It’s not that I don’t get Erin’s basic arc, but as a character she sort of feels all over the place to me, like I don’t have a great handle on her at all. I feel like she just does whatever the story needs her to do at the time. Meanwhile, I actually do like Abby quite a bit as the film goes on, but initially, I found her a little more annoying than funny, and I’m not exactly sure why. At first, Melissa McCarthy seems to be going for Wacky and Weird–as opposed to Erin’s straight-laced style, appropriately–but I never quite buy it, either because it feels forced to me, or because Holtzmann already seems to have that covered. (Side not: I’m actually a lot more interested in Abby and Holtzmann’s relationship than I am in Abby and Erin’s. I should search for their fanfiction at some point.)
As the film continues, I enjoy Abby more and more . . . but her dynamic with Erin just does so little for me. I find it, in the words of K-2SO, vague and unconvincing. And I really wish I liked it better, too, because I’m pretty sure if I did, the whole movie would go up a whole letter grade.
3. All that being said, there are plenty of other things to enjoy about this movie. For instance:
OMG, Holtzmann is the BEST. I’m a little late to the Kate McKinnon train because I mostly just watch SNL skits during election years, but between her Hillary Clinton and her Jillian Holtzmann, I’m just absolutely in love with her. She is 100% committed to the role, so perfectly, fantastically weird. I think I especially like her because it seems like women rarely get the opportunity to play the oddball, and when they do, they’re often a specific kind of particularly unflattering oddball, where the primary joke is that they’re scary, unattractive, or both. (See for instance, Sara Rue in Can’t Hardly Wait, with the caveat that Sara Rue is not at all an unattractive woman.) Anyway, Jillian feels like a different kind of character than I’m used to seeing ladies play, and I like it, especially since she’s just so, so good at being weird.
Meanwhile, I also think Leslie Jones is perfect as Patty. I’d been a bit worried that I wouldn’t like her because a) her character had seemed a bit grating in the trailers, and b) I really didn’t want to critique her performance after all the disgusting bullshit she already had (and surely still has) to deal with. Luckily, I didn’t have that problem because I thought she was awesome. The first scene we meet her is just, like, perfect.
I know there was some controversy about Patty not being a scientist, and I’ll admit I’d been initially disappointed too, mostly because one of my biggest problems with the original movie is that Ernie Hudson is totally underused and, as the everyman, generally feels inconsequential to the main plot. But Patty not only remains plot relevant, she actively contributes to the group, and not just in that overdone “Scientists Need An Everyman” sort of way, but because she’s a giant history buff–and history, as you might imagine, is important when you’re dealing with ghosts. In no way did Patty ever seem less intelligent or useful to me simply because her expertise was historical and not scientific.
4. I do have, however, slightly mixed emotions on Kevin.
At first blush, I thought Kevin was hilarious, not to mention it was so, so nice to hear Chris Hemsworth use his actual accent for once.
Then he . . . wasn’t working quite as well for me.
Then, suddenly, Kevin became THE BEST, like the turn in his storyline made all of my annoyance with him before absolutely worth it.
. . . but by the end, I was a bit disappointed once again . . .
. . . until the very, very end, when he was hilarious once more.
Obviously, I will detail this much more extensively in the Spoiler Section.
5. Here’s my silly hangup: I can’t seem to get past the fact that none of these ladies have actual jobs.
Well. Patty does, maybe? I kind of assumed she’d quit the MTA at a certain point during the movie, but I’m actually not sure. The other ladies, though, are definitely unemployed, and while I know they sort of address it by throwing a lampshade with a rent joke . . . I just couldn’t stop thinking to myself, “Wait, how are you paying for anything? Who’s buying food? What about gas? How are you living in NYC with no source of income?”
I’m thinking I’m going to have to create a new tag for this. I’ll probably end up calling it Rory’s Free Ticket to Europe, which of course has nothing to do with this movie and will mean zip to people who haven’t watched (or at least read about) Gilmore Girls.
6. I’d love to judge this movie on its own merits and stop talking about it in relation to the original, but between the multiple nods this film has to the first movie and the whole BS controversy that we are already discussed, I just can’t seem to stop. So I think it might be worth briefly discussing the tone of both films.
The Ghostbusters remake is, for better or worse, a pretty Family Friendly Movie. It’s actually rated PG-13, but instinctually, I feel like the greater majority of parents would be just fine letting their kid see this film. (Obviously, exceptions apply.) Now, that makes sense because the original Ghostbusters was also something you could watch with the family . . . but standards have considerably changed since the 1980’s, and while there’s definitely some goofy stuff in there (Slimer, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, etc.), I’d argue that the tone of the original film is much more adult than its remake, considering a few moments of considerably racier humor and I’m pretty sure more swearing, too. And yet at the time, Ghostbusters only received a PG rating.
As an adult without children of my own, I did find that I was occasionally missing the more adult tone of the original film. In the remake, the colors are brighter, the comedy is a bit broader, the ghosts are even more cartoonish, etc. I want to be clear here: by no means did I want some dark, gritty Ghostbusters reboot or anything. But sometimes kids movies today feel artificial and occasionally even a bit cloying to me, and I do find myself wanting more family friendly movies that aren’t, you know, Family Friendly movies.
That all being said, it’s also important to note that as a little girl? I’m pretty sure I would have loved this movie. And that’s a big deal to me: I didn’t get movies like this when I was growing up. Girls were rarely the scientists or the adventurers. If they were, then there was probably only one girl on the team (two max), they likely got captured, and they were almost certainly the love interest. Girls seldom got to do neat stuff like mad science or ghost hunting, and even today I’m very hard pressed to think of action, fantasy, and/or sci-fi movies centered around an all female team. Like, seriously, Sucker Punch is the closest I’m coming up with right now. (Ooh, wait, Charlie’s Angels. Okay, that’s . . . one.) I’ve got some anime shows, namely Sailor Moon and RWBY, but otherwise . . . I’m blanking pretty hard. And that’s some bullshit. That alone is justification for this goddamn reboot’s existence.
If this Ghostbusters had come out in the early to mid 90’s when I was a kid? Yeah, I’d have loved it then; shit, I might have actually been more interested in science. Moreover, I’m pretty sure I’d have crazy nostalgia for the film now, the way nerds who grew up in the 80’s have nostalgia for the original. Now, not every little girl is gonna like this movie, but they sure as shit deserve to have the possibility of seeing it.
Like I said before, none of this means that you have to like a movie you just don’t like. But it’d be nice if people could realize that movies, especially popcorn movies, can be important on a larger scale whether or not those movies are important to them personally.
7. Finally, some random notes:
A. Looking back, I think my total disinterest in Erin might spring from a couple of different things. One, she steps in some weird green stuff and then just goes and touches it with her bare hands. People, I do not care if Erin does or does not believe in ghosts yet. This woman lives in New York City. Who the fuck touches neon green slimy shit on the floor with their hands? Add this to her opining that the clearly malevolent lady ghost “seems peaceful,” and I’m convinced Erin has the survival skills God gave a lemming.
More than that, Erin’s fawning over Kevin the Receptionist led me to literally write “PAIN, PAIN” in my notebook. It is so cringe-inducing, and easily my least favorite ongoing bit in the whole movie.
B. Ghostbusters actually has a surprising amount of nominees for Favorite Scene Stealer. Right now it’s between Garrett the Tour Guide, Andy Garcia the Mayor, and a random graffiti artist. (His blank-faced defiance is just the best.)
C. All the ladies get these awesome and individualized ghost-dispersing weapons. Abby’s is motion activated: you just punch with it.
I officially want this gun. It is the best.
D. Whenever ghosts or magic are involved, I should just assume someone’s gonna drop the L-word. No, not love. Ley lines. There’s always gotta be ley lines. (Okay, fine, that’s technically two words, but fuck it, they both start with ‘L,’ right?)
E. One of the best things I think Ghostbusters has going for it is the nature of its villain. I want to talk about that, but I should probably wait until the Spoiler Section.
F. Finally, when I reviewed the original Ghostbusters, I called it insanely quotable. But good God, the remake is pretty damn quotable too. I may find the setup a bit awkward and Erin’s crush on Kevin painful, but once I really got into the story, Ghostbusters made me laugh out loud a lot, and though I obviously can’t confirm this yet, I get the impression that this is one of those movies I’ll like more and more each time I watch it.
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
SPOILERS
I’m not going to go over every scene in this movie, but I would like to jump back to the beginning so we can discuss Garrett, The Tour Guy.
I am stupidly happy that this man lives.
Garrett is a bit player in this story, but he easily won over my heart with his tour guide speech, which is delivered with such a perfect deadpan that you know the sarcasm is just sailing straight over the guests’ heads. Garrett seems destined to be the First to Die, which saddened me because I thought he was hilarious, and also, because he at least put up a halfway decent effort to escape. He even acknowledged that he was an idiot by letting himself be led straight down into the basement.
So imagine my surprise when Garrett actually survives! Of course, Garrett probably lives because, as mentioned before, this movie has a pretty family friendly tone. But that didn’t bother me in the slightest here.
I’ll admit it does kind of bug me when it comes to Bill Murray.
One of the neat things about this remake is that nearly every main player from the original cast briefly appears. (Harold Ramis, of course, died two years ago, and Rick Moranis hasn’t been in a live-action film since the 1990’s. Also missing: William Atherton.) Some cameos are more effective than others (Dan Ackroyd’s, for instance, didn’t do much for me), but I thought it was great that Bill Murray was playing the jerk skeptic, and I loved that a ghost threw his ass out the window.
The question is . . . what happened to him from there?
Based on the Ghostbusters’ reaction faces and, well, just basic physics, I’d say that Bill Murray is dead as hell, something that I thought was pretty hysterical. But we never actually get confirmation of that, not even PG confirmation, like a body bag being carted away. And I know it’s a small thing, but it did kind of get on my nerves, like, not only do I generally want a firm resolution to characters being Dead or Not Dead, the joke just seems much funnier if you cut to something like a body bag or a hand.
(Related: though she doesn’t fall to her possible death like Bill Murray does, Holtzman is also pushed straight through a glass window–the same window, I’m pretty sure–and, in the nature of Hollywood, doesn’t have so much as a scratch on her afterwards. She does, however, have the best reaction to Possessed Abby’s exorcist trick, so I guess I’ll let it slide.)
Not every cameo or minor role belongs to someone from the original cast. Charles Dance plays Erin’s boss (and, very quickly, her ex-boss). Ed Begley Jr. is the guy who requests Erin’s help with ghosts in the first place. Michael K. Williams plays a Homeland Security Agent. (Unfortunately, he’s not given nearly enough to do.) Even Ozzy Osbourne shows up briefly cause, like, why the hell not.
Andy Garcia, though, might be my favorite.
Partially because he–like many of the male roles–is somewhat incompetent, but mostly because of this exchange:
Erin: “You’re the only one who can do something. Please, please don’t be like the mayor in Jaws.”
Mayor (angrily laughing): “Never compare me to the Jaws mayor. NEVER!”
The outrage behind that line . . . I laughed SO hard.
Speaking of exchanges, here’s another favorite of mine:
Abby: “Look, I think it’s great that you found yourself a little hobby, and I’m sure on paper flooding New York City with ghosts seemed like a great idea, but we happen to like the world the way it is.”
Rowan: “Then you must have been afforded the basic dignity and respect of a human being, which I have been denied.”
Abby: “Not really. People dump on us pretty much all the time.”
Rowan is this movie’s villain, and the reason I love that isn’t because his character is so three-dimensional or charismatic or has some dwelled upon backstory. It’s because he’s exactly who this movie’s villain should have been: a white nerdy dude who’s decided to screw over the entire planet because he’s convinced he’s had it worse than everyone else when he pretty clearly hasn’t. His sexism is casual and realistic, and he’s exactly the kind of guy I see being so pathetically upset about his favorite movie being remade in the Age of Remaking Movies that he equates writing hateful, sexist screeds or racist texts with some kind of appropriate justice.
I also love, LOVE, that he possesses Kevin.
Kevin is hopelessly dumb, and I like that: I like that he’s the useless eye candy role that generally goes to women. Unfortunately, Erin’s thing for him bugged me, and seriously, if your receptionist can’t figure out how to pick up a phone, for fuck’s sake, it doesn’t matter how good he looks. You fire his ass. It’s not that I don’t get the joke; it’s that I don’t care. I was delighted to see his ridiculously bad logo designs and his philosophical notions about aquariums and submarines, but mostly I just wanted him to go away–
—until he gets possessed because then he’s hilarious. I love all the jokes at his expense, the whole Clark Kent Strip-O-Gram line, the “who’s the flying beefcake” quote, etc. Plus, Chris Hemsworth looks like he’s just having a blast with the part. It entirely made up for the painful awkwardness that came before–
–right up till the point where he’s exorcised, immediately proves to be just as incompetent and inconsiderate as before, and the team still doesn’t fire his ass. I mean, come ON. I get that we were supposed to be setting up a franchise here and all, but no. The Kevin joke feels played out, and seriously, HE IS THE WORST. Sure, that doesn’t mean you let the evil ghost keep possessing him, but it also doesn’t mean you have to hire him back, I mean, Jesus.
(I’m aware I’m taking this more seriously than I’m supposed to. Consider it a matter of professional assistant/secretarial pride.)
Let’s see, what else . . . oh, I entirely skipped over the Creepy Balloon Parade and The Big Climactic Fight.
A. I’m ALL about “the creepy ass Macy’s parade.” Like, the design of these parade floats? I’m there. I would absolutely go to such an actual parade.
B. I love that we get to see each of the ladies helping one another in The Big Fight. That’s awesome. It’s so, so nice to see women helping other women instead of men helping the 1-2 women on the team.
C. Though all the ladies are awesome, Holtzmann and her toys are absolutely taking Best Boo-Yah Moment in this movie.
Holtzmann, you are my hero.
D. One of my initial disappointments in the third act is the clear setup for a gigantic dance number that, at first, doesn’t seem to come to fruition.
I love that even in this picture you can tell that Michael K. Williams has serious moves.
I was totally confused and bummed about that, at least until we got to the end credits, which, people, are just a thing of glory. I love all the little scenes–especially my favorite cameo, Sigourney Weaver–but the big dance scene is just the best. Chris Hemsworth white boy dances so enthusiastically that I think a tiny piece of my heart is lost to him forever.
E. Of course, before we get to these awesome end credits, our good guys have to defeat the bad guy, which they do. Obviously. I can’t remember all the details now but Abby ends up in a whole portal/vortex thing, and Erin dives in to save her. Why it’s suddenly daytime when they come out after Holtzmann says they were only in there for two seconds remains unknown to me, but, you know, movies. I seriously doubt that there’s going to be a sequel, unfortunately, but if one ever did get made, I think Melissa McCarthy should go back to the white wig for Abby, because I think she can surprisingly rock the white hair. It could be all punk like.
This is also the moment when the Ghostbusters all throw their hands in with Kevin, as if his getting a sandwich while they were out risking their lives was somehow a charming quality, like, “Oh, Kevin, never change.” (No, Kevin, change, change. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT MOMENT TO FIRE YOU. I MISS JANINE SO BADLY.)
And, well. I guess that’s about it.
QUOTES:
Garrett: “It is said that in this very room, P.T. Barnum first had the idea to enslave elephants.”
Erin: “Yes, hi, we’re looking for Ed Mulgrave. I wanted to introduce these people to him. He came to see me this morning.”
Garrett: “Ed Mulgrave?”
Erin: “Yes.”
Garrett: “But Ed–Ed Mulgrave died 15 years ago.”
Abby: “Yes! That’s awesome! Dead for 15 years! Ed’s a ghost! Ha, knew it!”
Erin: “I just saw him today–oh–so, so who is this?”
Garrett: “That’s Ed’s son, Ed Jr.”
Erin: “Okay. That’s obviously who I meant.”
(Abby picking litter confetti out of her bra.)
Abby: “It’s like Mardi Gras in there.”
Erin: “It feels like the slime is after me personally, that’s all I’m saying.”
Holtzmann: “Erin, you’ve had a hard day. Step right up, pick a gun, any gun.”
Patty: “Okay, yeah. Room full of nightmares. Not going in there.”
Patty: “You know what, I should have gave you some coveralls; man, it’s so unsanitary down here.”
Abby: “You don’t–you don’t usually think about the amount of urine smell.”
Patty: “That’s pretty much how it’s gonna be. That’s not gonna freshen up at all.”
Patty: “That’s where I saw that weird sparking thing.”
Holtzmann: “What was it?”
Patty: “Baby, if I knew what it was, I wouldn’t have called it ‘that weird sparking thing’.”
Dean: “Are you saying that I’m not qualified?”
Abby: “You spell science with a ‘y’. And what’s upsetting about that is I don’t think you know that’s wrong.”
Holtzmann: “This is just a little bit of grounding so you don’t die immediately.”
(Patty turns around and sees Rowan suddenly standing in front of her booth)
Patty: “Whoa. Hey! How you doing, man?”
Rowan: “They will always ignore you. They are walking sewage concerned only with their own trivial matters.”
Patty: “Okay. Um–”
Patty: “You have a good day with your crazy ass.”
Jennifer: “She think that’s a sliding door. She thinks they’re all doors. That’s sad. She’s a scientist.”
Garrett: “Sir Aldridge once wrote in his diary ‘I know God makes no mistakes, but I believe he may have been drunk when he built Gertrude’s personality’.”
Garrett: “Okay, follow me. Maybe steer clear of the door.”
Rowan: “What form would you prefer I take?”
Holtzmann: “Maybe something stationary. Like a bullseye.”
Holtzmann: “Safety lights are for dudes.”
Dr. Rebecca Gorin (nodding): “Safety lights are for dudes.”
Erin: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Holtzmann: “Holtzmann.”
Erin: “Erin.”
Holtzmann: “I’ve heard terrible things about you.”
Mayor Bradley: “NEVER compare me to the mayor in Jaws! NEVER!”
Kevin: “Oh, no, that’s for you. I just thought the floating hot dog implies that a ghost is holding it.”
Abby: “Your work is more cerebral than I expected.”
Cop: “Whoa, nobody called for a Clark Kent strip-o-gram.”
Possessed Kevin: “Clark Kent? Oh, because of the glasses and the handsomeness.”
Kevin: “You know, an aquarium is a submarine for fish.”
Garrett: “At the time of its construction, it was one of the most elegant homes in existence, featuring every luxury, including a face bidet and an anti-Irish security fence.”
Abby: “I am just looking for a reasonable ratio of wontons to broth. This is absolute madness.”
Abby: “Look, I think it’s great that you found yourself a little hobby, and I’m sure on paper flooding New York City with ghosts seemed like a great idea, but we happen to like the world the way it is.”
Rowan: “Then you must have been afforded the basic dignity and respect of a human being, which I have been denied.”
Abby: “Not really. People dump on us pretty much all the time.”
Abby: “We have over a hundred comments already. And they’re not all crazies. Come here, I wanna show you this. Read that.”
Erin: “Ain’t no bitches gonna hunt no ghosts.”
CONCLUSIONS:
I don’t think I love it quite as much as some of my friends do, but definitely more than my other friends. Which, actually, is pretty par for the course for me. It certainly ended up being a nice feminist counterbalance to The Hateful Eight, though, and it made me laugh a lot. I definitely think it would make a solid comfort movie, and I’m seriously considering stockpiling on those, so. Yeah. Thumbs up.
MVP:
Kate McKinnon
TENTATIVE GRADE:
B+
MORAL:
Bitches ABSOLUTELY gonna hunt some ghosts.
